Vital Statistics

Published:N/A

Date: May 2007

Section: Nascar/Opinion/Satire

Comments:

Harvick Crew Chief Ejected From Darlington Raceway

By: Ian Essling

Todd Berrier, crew chief for Kevin Harvick's Shell/Pennzoil car, has been ejected from Darlington Raceway by NASCAR officials, according to sources with knowledge of the events.

A NASCAR official, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated that the ejection was a preventative measure. "Berrier has shown over and over again that he is a repeat offender, and we noticed some things in the garage and on [Harvick's] car that we didn't like. So, he's out," he stated.

Harvick, who won five races last year in the premier Cup circuit and also won the Busch series championship, won the season opening Daytona 500, but has cooled a bit since then. Currently, he rides a streak of three straight top-tens after finishing seventh last week in Richmond.

"We see the same situation lining up this week as we did last week, and we're going to stop it before it happens: the race is going to be run in the day, and that means that [the 29 car] might be a frigging rocketship that tears up the rest of the field. That team won, what, five races last year, and we just can't let that happen again," the official explained, adding that he hopes the Richard Childress Racing team takes NASCAR's suggestion and appoints Tony Stewart's monkey as interim crew chief for the weekend.

"We figure that [the monkey] will solve two situations for us," he added. "It'll slow down that 29 car with an ape calling the shots, plus it gives the announcers a lot of bait for jokes so they will hopefully not pay attention when we throw fake debris cautions."