| Published:N/A |
| Date: September 2006 |
| Section: Nascar/Opinion/Satire |
| Comments: |
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By: Ian Essling
Bob Dilner, who months ago investigated a similar situation at New Hampshire International Raceway, has reported that Kevin Harvick, the winner of this weekend's Nextel Cup race at Phoenix, had a significant speed advantage in his car.
Harvick moved to within 90 points of first place in the Chase for the Nextel Cup, but Dilner suspects that will change. "This offense should dock them at least 100 points, because they are repeat offenders."
Despite NASCAR and Richard Childress Racing denials, Dilner has maintained that his September story is true. He reported that the RCR cars of Kevin Harvick and Jeff Burton both has laser-cut wheels that enabled them to run faster speeds.
This week, he reports that the "cheating" is a much larger issue.
"During post race inspection, NASCAR did find something amiss with the car," Dilner stated, "A jet engine had been strapped to the back of the car and was propelling it along the track."
"This enabled Harvick to move at a much faster speed than the other cars, obviously," Dilner added.
NASCAR did not confirm Dilner's story, but they did say that it would explain a lot of things. "We were fixing the race for Jimmie Johnson to win, but Harvick's super-fast car definitely muddied up our plans," one official stated.
He went on to detail NASCAR's plan for Johnson's car this weekend, which included aerodynamic advantages and allowing him to speed on pit road. "It was all set, and then [Harvick] had to mess it up; we have no idea how a car can be that fast and be legal."
Dilner said that no one noticed the jet engine earlier in the day, because it was being shielded by cloaking technology acquired from Area 51 by Richard Childress. Rumors suggest that Childress swapped a batch of his finest vintage of wine for the device.
No word on when Dilner will be admitted to a mental institution, but sources say that it may be as soon as Tuesday.
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